Physically naked I mean, and I was looking at myself in the mirror and I was actually pretty happy. Nothing really changed, even though I've lost 14 pounds so far, but the scars and marks on my legs were almost completely gone. I think I got a glipse of what my boyfriend's always talking about, that I'm actually, dare I say, pretty?
Why is that so weird for me to admit...
I go through my days thinking I've an awesome level of confidence because when it comes to talking to people and what not, I do. And I get told that a lot, that I'm confident, or independent or all these good things and then when I get home and I'm with my boyfriend it's like. Hmf. Confidence gone. I think it's because like most... not just American girls, but people in general and especially with our generation, always see skinny as pretty. Slim as sexy and when you're not a size 2 (and I'm being generous with that number) you're not hot. And I think it's something I've accepted a long time ago without even realizing.
I never really consciously think about these things, it hurts my conscious ego. While deep down without thinking I "know I'm not sexy because of my weight" my conscious is like, damn girl you got it going onnn. To think about these feelings is a blow to that confidence, and I'm afraid if I think about it too long I'll be aware of my self esteem issues outside of the bedroom.
But alas, that's enough for now. I'm off to the gym. There's absolutely no use in talking about a problem if you don't have a plan of action at the end of the discussion.
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